Friday, November 25, 2011

raw

one of the hardest parts about these last few months is how strongly i've felt everything. it's pretty apparent that most of those feelings have been negative ones, but not all of them. even when i get those feelings of enjoyment when i'm reading something inspiring for school, or i feel proud at the progress i'm making at one thing or another. those feelings have all been amplified as well. it can be exhausting, though. feeling is great. there has been so many times in my life where i just resigned myself to not feeling anything at all, because it was easier than letting myself get into a slump of depression. so, at least now, i'm making myself stay afloat enough to feel everything - good or bad. but damn, a few highs and a handful of lows and it really takes the energy out of you.

the other day my mom made some comment about how i'm going to be too exhausted if i work full time, and i just had to laugh. working and going to school? sure, i'm sure it'll make me more tired in the daytimes, and yeah, i'll get less sleep. but those will not be what exhausts me. they will not be able to drag the energy out of me and make me feel like i might have never had it to begin with. no, only feeling can do that; only feeling the highest of highs and the lowest of all lows - over and over and over again, until it has drained every last breath in me.

at least it's not all bad. at least there are still those high highs to appreciate. it is thanksgiving, after all.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Lacking Expression

I haven't quite known what to post lately. It feels like it's been so long, yet it sometimes still feels like it was just yesterday.

Things I'm happy and excited about:

I've officially started my full time job. I'll be back in an environment that's busy and crammed, and while I know it'll be stressful at times, I know it will push me to work at full potential.

Auditions close for LCC tonight, and I'm so excited to meet the new 'G' and see what it brings. And with that comes the adventure of writing a new script come winter break.

This quarter is almost over and I couldn't be happier. My classes were a huge letdown when compared to my expectations. But at least they're over with, and I think my classes for the next two quarters are going to be amazing.

Winter break! I'll still be working full time, but I'm still exited for it. And this might just be the first Christmas that I can actually afford presents for everyone in a long time.