Tuesday, March 1, 2011

glue

it's hard when you feel like the glue.

somehow a strange mixture of your ego and your self-consciousness creates a reality where every facet of your life rests upon your two shoulders. without you, everything will fall apart into too many pieces to put together again. your well-being? it's all on you. her sanity? his addiction? her problems? their happiness? it's all on you. everything becomes your problem because you know if you let it slip for one second, the rest of your perfectly blocked existence will be in on the secret: blocking doesn't mean shit. it doesn't matter how tight your schedule is, and it doesn't matter how many people's problems you fix; that crack will still linger: it's an endurance runner, not a sprinter. it won't destroy your mirage in one explosion, but it will let it fall to pieces as you watch silently, too scared to move. in one step, you could leap forward and hold it together before anything breaks, or you could step forward and knock it all down. that chance keeps you frozen.