Saturday, March 20, 2010

with spring break nearing, i've been getting antsy and anxious. now jordan is in town and it's difficult to concentrate on the japanese concentration camps when adventures are waiting!

i've been eating healthy, REAL, as-non-processed-as-relatively-possible food for the last week and it's amazing what a difference it's been making! last summer i was trying to shed some pounds to feel comfortable for the road trip, but i was still eating a bunch of crap - just less of it. so, i guess the whole organic, natural food craze is all it's cracked up to be. eating whole wheat tortilla, chicken, real mozzarella and spinach for dinner, yogurt with fresh banana and strawberry for lunch, natural granola and berries for breakfast, it's been lovely.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

this is how i feel tonight

keep on running and don't look back. try to forget the tears stinging your bloodshot eyes as they exit your body; try to forget the cold air piercing your skin as you glide through the air. perhaps troubles follow your life when it's moving slowly, but if you run fast enough you can escape it all: the only thing behind you is all of the memories you've been forgetting night after night that sleep refuses to comfort your busy mind. and what's in front of us anymore? maybe this time i can slip in between bitterness and misery and make it out feeling halfway alive. how long can you go on living feeling like your only moments of bliss are when you're fading out of consciousness: turning headphones up until i can feel the blood in my brain thud-thud-thudding along with the rhythm, sleep depriving the body until you can barely muddle through your words, hiding behind a schedule so tight you have to remind yourself to breathe on your to do list, and all so that there's no room for doubts, no room for pain, no room for anything except putting one foot in front of the other - on your way to an inevitable end.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

oh, hello, monday

after an absolutely lovely weekend, i feel quite refreshed. i still have a disconnect from those yucky, teensy-weensy inner feelings that i keep suppressing, but nothing bad ever comes from holding your feelings inside, right? am i right?

i'm going to san francisco during spring break, since the trip during winter break got cancelled and i absolutely cannot wait. the trip has been shortened to four days, but i'll have to deal. unfortunately, i've been learning that money doesn't grow on trees. speaking of, the thought of having to pay for a university for the next six or so years terrifies the living daylights out of me. i say this because i got my first round of acceptance e-mails (from ucsd and ucsc) and it's made me go over my potential living expenses if i get accepted into berkeley.

does music ever prompt you to daydream? i've been listening to 'radical face' a lot lately and it seems like every time i sit down and listen to them, i find myself dozing off into dreamland.

holy moly have i mentioned that i must not have a creative bone in my body left, because i've been completely ignoring the right side of my brain. that needs to change.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

i just don't know if i can do this anymore

i'm so mentally and physically and emotionally drained and no exact reasons to feel so. and lately i've been noticing that i punish myself with sleep deprivation.

i just had about five lengthy paragraphs expanding on that, but decided against it.

oi vey, guys.
i need to get back in the swing of things.