Saturday, October 31, 2009

four common characteristics that people claim to have, but actually don't have a wee bit of

there are four characteristics that are extremely common to post on your myspace/facebook/blogs etc. the reason i always note in my mind that these four occur so frequently, is because they're characteristics that i, too, consider true to myself. therefore, when these are some of the most commonly boasted traits, it irritates me when the person actually has no trace of that in them, whatsoever.

1.) honesty.

whether they're listing what they find most important in a relationship or in a friendship or in themselves, people love to throw this word around. maybe it's because authors and writers love to toss honesty into the "most important traits you can have in your relationship" articles featured in cosmo, or maybe it's because people have honesty dillusioned themselves to believe they are an honest person. the reason this particularly frustrates me, is because i've met so many people who love to fill sentences explaining how important honesty is to them, yet when i reveal the honest side of myself, they instantly get their feelings hurt or can't believe i was "that" honest. also: along with honesty should be gossip. everyone gossips, damnit. if you claim that you don't, then you are a liar and you should never, ever attach the word honesty to yourself, because you're doing a disservice to the value. so, if you gossip and you're then confronted about it, don't lie or try to cover it up, and then edit your myspace profile to let everyone know that honesty is your top priority. i have a message for you: bull. shit. HONESTLY, people, you need to pick a side and stick to it.

note: along with this is the idea of hating "fakers" and loving people who are "real with themselves" and all of those jolly ideas. i was deciding whether this should be its own characteristics, but assumed that the readers of this are smart enough to realize they go together quite nicely.

2.) spirituality.

at some point, it became popular to say that you were "spiritual," but not "religious." though, will someone please explain to me how someone calls themselves spiritual, yet never prays or talks about or ponders over or discusses or focuses on anything remotely spiritual?

3.) not liking girls

girls absolutely LOVE to say that they "don't get along with girls" or "only really have guy friends" or "really just prefer guys over girls." i literally hear these things all the time. but, when you actually look at the girls who say these things, not only are most of their best and regular friends women, but they're also the types of females who have those typical "girly" traits that they constantly talk about hating, i.e. bitchiness, starting drama, talking too much, gossiping, the list goes on. as made obvious by my previous post listing the reasons i don't like most females, many people hear me say the above comments. but, i feel like i'm allowed to make those statements seeing as out of the 20 people i hang out with most frequently, only 3 or 4 of them are girls. hence, the statement actually makes sense.

4.) giving/generosity/motivated to change the world/etc.

this one by far annoys me more than any other, for obvious reasons. i've felt for years that i simply can't live my life and expect to be happy, unless i make my main focus in life actively improving the lives of others, in particular, those in developing countries who unfortunately, aren't truely given a voice. so it absoutely infuriates me when these silly teenagers, who are too greedy to give a homeless man a dollar, preach about rich people being selfish with their money. don't get me wrong, i think there are many rich people who are too selfish with their money, but unless you're in a significantly large financial problem, there's no reason that you, yourself, can be greedy and get away with it.

Friday, October 30, 2009

i could be on a plane in one hour

the gypsy in me always pulls at my heart strings whenever i see a plane in the sky. every time i see beautiful pictures of lands i could search and explore, or enchanting portraits of people i'd die to meet. i haven't been out of the country in three years. i don't know how i've lasted this long.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

making my own monthly calendars and filling it every day. it makes my life feel so scheduled and controlled and it's empowering. when i see it all in front of me i realize that i can finish it all and still have time to breathe occasionally.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

two complain-y blogs in one week. sorry about that.

while my room can get quite messy, one of my favorite things in the world is organizing. and i mean organizing just about anything and everything. i love going through drawers that look like a tornado just hit them and then renovating them to look beautiful and color coordinated and all that jazz. both a good and bad habit that i have always possessed is the need to constantly get rid of things if i feel they don't serve me an immediate purpose. now, this can be a good thing for the obvious reasons of maintaining a low level of material items and that helps keep my mind clear. however, it's can be bothersome because it's rather often that i'll be looking for something only to remember i've gotten rid of it.

this only slightly relates to what has really been on my mind.

i feel like i need to go through every nook and cranny of my life and throw out all of the junk and all of the clutter, and only keep the essentials. at this point, it's less than one year from now and i'll be out of here and i don't want to waste my time with things and events and people that i won't look back on and be glad i invested my time there.

lately there's been a lot of new changes in my life, and i feel like i need to really sit down and evaluate who's going to be there for me in the long run. i hate wasting time. i absolutely hate it. this is what causes me to be a terribly fast walker. and i know for certain that there's a handful of my friendships that wouldn't exist if i didn't put such a large amount of effort into them, and this has only been proven by the fact that i'm losing touch with a lot of people these last few months when i've been relying on other people to share the initiative in the friendships. so, maybe this means some hurt feelings and maybe it means being a little bit selfish in the end. but being generous with my time has led me to some pretty disastrous situations these last few years, so i feel like i'm allowed to look out for my own self-interest these last nine or so months before i leave.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

oh, it is love

Infatuation: loving feelings towards a love object that are largely based upon fantasy and idealization (instead of experience). Often when partners get to know each other, infatuation diminishes.
Romantic Love: An abiding love for a partner with whom you feel passion, attraction, caring and respect.
Eros: a passionate love usually involving sexual feelings for a love interest.
Companionate Love: feelings of warmth towards a friend with whom you love to spend time with.
Unconditional Love: A type of affection and caring that is so strong that you feel it consistently, regardless of what that other person does.
Conditional Love: A love that requires specific action or conditions in order to be maintained. For example, at its extreme, a parent who gives very conditional love would only love his child when he gets straight A’s, becomes a surgeon and has two children. The love is based on outside conditions and when they do not occur, the love is withdrawn.
Puppy Love: A childish, innocent temporary crush on someone that you don’t know well.
Maternal Love: This term usually connotes love that is nurturing, accepting and protective. In actuality this love can also be given by a father etc.
Paternal Love: This term connotes love that involves guidance and some authority. Paternal love usually prepares a child to be ready for the outside world. Again, in reality this type of love is not gender specific.
Soulmate Love:This type of love is described as a love that has survived multiple life times. Not everyone believes in this concept.
Spiritual/Divine Love: This type of love recognizes the Divine light in everyone and everything. Love is given to everyone as an act of loving God.
Love of your country or patriotism: This is love for the place you live or the place that were born. It is a type of loyalty and a special feeling of belonging that you attribute to that specific geographic location.
Self-Love: This is a positive feeling that you have about who you are and what you deserve. It often is expressed by treating yourself well, respecting yourself, wanting yourself to be happy and expecting others to respect you too.
Brotherly Love: This term connotes having a feeling of love for your neighbor, because all humanity is considered to be part of a larger family of human beings.
Tough Love: This term is used to describe a love that is expressed by setting boundaries for the good of the other person. So for example, a parent may send their teenager to rehab if he is drug addicted, even if he does not want to go. They feel that this is an act of love because it stems from a desire for their son’s ultimate good and happiness.

via thelovelybones

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Saturday, October 24, 2009

sadness is a whore.

i've felt terribly sad tonight. not even pictures or my cat can cheer me up and that is definitely not a good sign. sometimes when i'm busy i force my emotions down, down, down so that they won't get in the way of life, and then when i find a second to breathe i can't even do that, because i'm being choked by my misery. perhaps a hot bath and glee will make it better.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

ridiculous pictures found on the internet that brighten your day.

star wars. i mean really, can you get any better than star wars?

missing class to pick up a few extra hours of sleep.

hanging out at silly, trendy cafes until obscene hours of the night.

noosh! noosh is an amazing denny's waitress who steals your heart immediately after meeting her. i love noosh. noosh is swell.

not a typical blog, but what the heck.

15 Star Wars Masturbation Euphemisms

Shooting Womprats in Beggar’s Canyon

Grooming the Wookie

Making the Kessel Run

Polishing Vader’s Helmet

Evacuating Tatooine

Unsheathing the Meatsaber

Releasing the Special Edition

Jumping to Delight Speed

Communicating with Red Leader One

Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo

Tinkering With the R2 Unit

Manually Targeting the Rebel Base

Performing the Jedi Hand Trick

Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears

and the Number 1 “Star Wars” Euphemism for Masturbation…

Test Firing the Death Star

Monday, October 19, 2009

perfect happiness sounds nice.

via ffffound

it's rare that i stumble upon a survey that goes beyond surface questions such as "when was the last time you were kissed" but this one is quite lovely. this one was stolen from carlos

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? every human being in the world suddenly realizing that everything we need can be found and realized if only we would put the needs of others before our own wants.

2. What is your greatest fear? leaving the world before i'm ready, or before i've made a difference.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? judging people before they deserve to be judged.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? selfishness makes me want to vomit.

5. Which living person do you most admire? people that are living difficult lives, but they choose to work towards making others lives better anyways.

6. What is your greatest extravagance? clothing.

7. What is your current state of mind? quite busy. it's working at a hundred miles a minute right now.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? tact. it's just an excuse for people to sugarcoat the truth.

9. On what occasion do you lie? when it will make the situation between myself and the person i'm lying to notably better.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? my jew nose. it's always been something i've been extremely self-conscious about, and i'm just praying i'll grow out of that sheepishness about it.

11. Which living person do you most despise? truthfully, some of the major conservative public figures who don't have a seed of truth in them.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man? love and selflessness.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? love and selflessness.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? uhm, like, okay, good.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? chris so far is the only person who's been there for me without fail since i've met him. i also have a deep place in my heart for literature, matt, jordan and rescue workers.

16. When and where were you happiest? the first years and recent years. the middle years weren't so great.

17. Which talent would you most like to have? i would love to be able to draw or sing really well.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? to have the talents in #17 or to not have to sleep ever.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? it's hard to say at this point. i'm most proud of my relationship and my academic life, at this point in my life, though.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? it'd be nice to be born as a human with more convenient circumstances, but besides that i'm fine with where i am now.

21. Where would you most like to live? there's an infinite number of places i'm drawn to, but i'd love to spend my life in south america.

22. What is your most treasured possession? i honestly don't have one. there's really nothing that could be taken away from me that i would be that upset about.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? feeling like there's no way to get back to happiness, feeling like everything around you has turned to black.

24. What is your favorite occupation? my only occupations so far have been selling children's clothing and serving elderly folks' food, soooo i don't think i can make an educated decision here.

25. What is your most marked characteristic? my mom says its my bitchy sarcastic sense of humor, and i'd have to agree with her.

26. What do you most value in your friends? they absolutely cannot be easily offended. that is extremely important if you're going to be my friend.

27. Who are your favorite writers? Jeffrey Eugenides, Chuck Palanhiuk, Khaled Hosseini and Jonathan Safran Foer.

28. Who is your hero of fiction? batman is amazing.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? this list would be all too long.

30. Who are your heroes in real life? people who work hard and live difficult lives to help others and receive little of monetary value in return. there's a pattern happening here.

31. What are your favorite names? working at a retirement home, i've found i really like old fashioned names. they have a lot more character than those of this generation.

32. What is it that you most dislike? it's hard for me to be around people who can't have a real conversation outside of how their day was and gossip about friends.

33. What is your greatest regret? i don't have any major regrets. i wish that kourtnie was never a part of my life. i wish that i had given people more time than i gave them. i wish i gave more compliments. i wish my mom never changed. i wish i took more math classes.

34. How would you like to die? extremely happy and haven used more money and time to people that need it than on myself.

35. What is your motto? i don't have a motto, but i think love for other people should be the center and focus of every person's life. the world would be an amazing place if that's how everyone lived.

guilty pleasure?

the olsen sisters.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

it happens every time

whenever i come across a period of extreme busyness*, terrible things happen. i become ridiculously efficient, but i have to give up sleeping, eating normal foods, recreational reading and any social life i still have. this is my life right now. i feel like i need an extra week snuck in just for me and my pitiful little problems.

*i never had to spell this word before, but it looks extremely strange to me. though, for obvious reasons, business wouldn't be the correct spelling of the word.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

why i dislike an extremely large majority of females*:

most of them are boring. if they're not gossiping about other girls they know, it seems that most of them couldn't come up with an interesting thought to save their lives. they talk about who's dating who, omgzz how hawt some new stupid movie star is, or sit and complain. it is extremely rare for me to engage in a conversation with another girl and not want to shoot myself in the face.

most of them don't understand sarcasm. although, i must admit that this sometimes works in my favor. sometimes it seems as if it is crystal clear that i am not remotely enjoying another girls company, but they don't understand it whatsoever through my sarcastic comments. then again, it often works against me, because this means that a lot of them get their feelings hurt when i make a joke that wasn't meant to offend them, but don't get the hint when i make comments that ARE supposed to make them want to leave.

most of them talk too much. god, i swear i've never seen some of them with their mouths closed before. is it really necessary to hear the sound of your own voice 24/7?

most of them are annoying. self-explanatory.

most of them don't know how to have a good time. it seems that they're always worried about what someone will think of them, or if people are going to think it's wrong or stupid, or if they'll run into someone, or if they're going to get in trouble, or get their clothes dirty or BLAHBLAHBLAH. they always have some excuse to explain why they're not having a good time, but it never occurs to them that maybe it's their fault.

most of them really aren't very funny. it's very uncommon for me to meet a girl who actually has a unique or interesting sense of humor.

most of them are whiny. again, this should be self-explanatory. sometimes it seems as if it's their goal to find a problem with every single thing they come across in life.

most of them are overly self-conscious. i mean, god, who cares what people think about you? i can't count how many times i've heard friends say they won't do ___ or ___ because "omgg there's too many people around" or "i'll look stupid" or BLAHBLAHBLAH. get over it.

most of them are clingy. they can't stand if you hang out with someone else, or get new friends. they have to be the center of your life, or they instantly get their feelings hurt. they're always over analyzing simple situations to convince themselves you don't like them anymore.

*note: i openly admit that some of these common female vices i have, also.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

so easy to forget

sometimes i have to remind myself that this is just life, and maybe it isn't meant to be taken so seriously.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


when i'm around you i'm predictable

what is it about theater kids that automatically make them such wonderful company for me? i've made a few new friends recently and gotten in touch with a handful of old friends. it feels wonderful.

Monday, October 5, 2009


it's finally beginning to feel like fall, and i'm finally starting to think this year will be better than i'd thought.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

sunshine gleaming

sometimes i feel like i'm an outsider, looking into a world where only the beautiful people live.

Friday, October 2, 2009

butternut squash

for fall, i want nonstop clouds and sweater weather, pumpkin candles lighting up rooms, hot showers and big poofy robes, extra blankets and structured jackets, falling leaves and autumn colors, yummy food and the smell of baking, arts and crafts, buying books and extra reading time. this fall, i want it all. i want to share and spread smiles and happiness and home made gifts and constant adventures.