Sunday, September 27, 2009

peculiar feelings

i've been having very strange feelings. at least, feelings i'm not used to having. warning: this is very irrelevant to anyone but myself, but i suppose that's what blogs are technically for nowadays, right?

today i was sick and spent the entire day studying for an econ test (which i STILL ended up receiving a B- on!) and literally had no social interaction whatsoever until chris came over at 10:30 at night. though, i must admit i actually quite enjoyed it. it was so nice to just worry about myself and what i needed to get done.

i've really had no motivation whatsoever to initiate social outings. mostly it's just the constant pressure of others - expecting me to always be the one who gets everyone together. it's this odd expectation that people have always put on me, that when i do something with one person, i'm supposed to invite everyone, however other people don't have to invite me when they make individual plans. who knows. it hasn't bothered me for a while, but lately people have been giving me complaints about it, as if it's my fault and that doesn't fly too well with me.

chris and i joined the model united nations at grossmont and i am so utterly thrilled about it! this is the first time i've been excited about some academic since ap stats. there's a conference in las vegas this semester, and next semester we might possibly maybe actually get to go to new york city and sit in the actual united nations chairs for our conference. that is so absurd and amazing and so exactly what i need to get me through this year.

other than that, everything is just okay. it's strange because for the last few months at work i feel like i can say i'm actually 100% over any holding back of my personality i had when i began working there, but right when i'm actually hanging out with la vida folks outside of work and building stronger relationships with the residents, i feel as if it's my time to leave. this is just not a job i intended to have for more than a year, and it's already been a year and a quarter! yikes.

family life has been sub par. i won't get into it, but it's definitely an extra motivation for making sure i stay on track and get this year over with, so i can be out of the house by next fall. is it sad, or somewhat pathetic that i'll be most sad about leaving ninja behind?

that's all for today.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

mount helix.

the other day chris retaught me a song on the guitar that i had taught myself a while back. it was extremely brief, but it really made me want to get my creative juices flowing. maybe i'll pick up the piano again. i've recently been more active in a journal just writing, collaging, working with pictures and the like. now that i've taken theater out of my life altogether (besides the occasional trip to see a show) i need another outlet.

Monday, September 21, 2009

ten rules for being human

"1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called “life.”

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. There is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this."

where the party at, man?!

sometimes i feel like the only things everyone my age care about are where they're going to hang out tomorrow, when the next party is or how to cheat their way out of an assignment. i just can't relate to this complete disregard for the future, and i want to have more people in my life that feel the same way.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Friday, September 18, 2009

why do comments hold such value?

it's strange to me that this random picture i took looking notably crack-whore-esque gets so much feedback from the online world.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

(above) giving tony his second driving lesson ever in my car! this time with francisco and becca as the victims in the backseat.

miley cyrus songs that are actually quite catchy!

going to cici's pizza for the first time in california.

taking cheesy, horrible pictures of myself and plastering them on the internet.

dancing absurdly awful in the car when i'm at a stop light and people are watching.

seeing them smile while they're watching! i'm fine with making a fool out of myself for someone else's smile.

writing 9.5 pages in three hours!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

the early bird gets the worm? a penny saved is a penny earned?

i know i've found people i can really call my true friends when all of those cliche images have become amazingly real and vibrant right in front of your eyes. the ones that you've seen in one million movies, happening to one million different actors.

you know the ones...
the group of youngsters sitting around laughing until their sides hurt and their eyes tear at the sides;
singing along to the car radio loud and proud, even with shrieks and awful high notes and dance moves meant for the 90's mixed in;
crying on each others shoulders and looking disgusting but still pouring your guts out despite the trails of snot and tears flowing down below your chin;
they may not be perfect, they may not be picturesque, but it's such a lovely reality that i wouldn't ask for anything more or less.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

bear with me

in only four months chris and i will have been dating for three years. there wasn't any particular date or event that made me think of it today. it's such insanity, in the very best way. sure, people make fun of us for acting like an old couple, but that's perfectly okay with me.

Friday, September 4, 2009

made a decision.

sometimes it takes a philosophical discussion with some of your good friends sitting outside of a hookah bar to realize that life is going to be good. no matter what happens, no matter where we end up, no matter who hurts us, no matter who we hurt, no matter what brings us down or brings us back up again - it's going to be good.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

365 days.

as i sit in my living room, dreading the coming of another shift at work, i can't help my let my imagination explore. perhaps it's the heat which has turned a room for living into a room for cooking living bodies, but these last few weeks have taken all of my spare minutes for the same thing: trying to get this year to pass as quickly as possible.

maybe it's my classes, where most other students are simply filling up a seat while texting on their phones and turning their minds completely. maybe it's la vida, which i know will help my future career and goals in no way, yet i have to stay there to make a paycheck. maybe it's living at home, ending my days wishing i was anywhere else.

my imagination will not wander towards anything else: all i can think about is one year from now. what i'll be learning, what i'll be doing, who i'll be meeting, the new areas i'll get to explore are all i'm hoping for.