Monday, August 31, 2009

i've recently learned

that the chances of moving out are greatly improved as of some recent news.

it makes me giddy and foolishly optimistic.

also, my mind has been back on berkeley. maybe i'll expand on this later. maybe, maybe, maybe.

i feel like i used to be able to write and write and never stop, but lately i just don't have enough words. instead, i've been using a scrapbook where i don't have to use words to express how i feel. it's been nice. i wish i could tell everyone how i feel by scraps of colors and fabrics and images.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Dearest Reader

last night i had a dream about you.

you were beaming: confident and radiant from the core of your being. music followed you, and everyone was elevated by your presence. kindness emanated from your touch. and your power was simply awesome.

and you looked, well, pretty much, exactly as you do right now.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

waking up at a normal time

online classes, although i wished i discovered them earlier

starting transfer applications soon!!

i love you, man. holy cow. so good. so, so good.

blasting nerdy music with your windows down, and the accompanying looks from strangers

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

what's so bad about cuddling?

the other day, while spending some time with jordan and kate, i proposed the preposterous-ness of becoming less affectionate as we grow older.

my personal example was as follows: i used to have a close knit group of friends that consisted of me, Michelle, Megan, Danielle, Tiffany and Layah. we would spend practically every day together and we would always have a general affection in our actions. when we spent the night at each others houses we would all be "cuddly" towards one another and it never seemed odd or inappropriate to any of us.

now i have a similar, but co-ed, close knit group of friend, yet it's is extremely rare to see any real affection among any of us (unless matt is drunk ;)!).

this is completely silly! as we grow older and our friendships and emotions grow more complex, it seems that there's only MORE reasons to be affection with your friends, not less. instead, we've grown terrified of touching another human being. and you DEFINITELY cannot be cozy if it is a male and a female, because for me to touch a guy in any way obviously means that i am interested in him. preposterous! we have given affection this strange stigma. we should all enjoy the sense of touch, not shy away from it! i think it should be a method of showing your love and care to anyone - be it a friend, lover, or family member.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

this semester's schedule

sunday: work 330-730
monday: work 330-730
tuesday: cultural geography 935-1100 (at city)
honors humanities 1110-1235 (at city)
spanish III 200-415 (at grossmont)
wednesday: work 330-730
thursday: same as tuesday
friday: work 330-730
saturday: nothing!!

if my classes turn about to be as simple as i hope they'll be, i might try to pick up some morning shifts to make some extra money. i keep saying i need to find a job that i will actually make tips aka more than 9 dollars an hour, but, alas, laziness keeps me at la vida real.

filling in the blank spots are two online classes (economics & world history), turbo kick boxing & zumba classes (guilty pleasure) and i'm going to be on a quest to meet new, lovely friends this year at school.

Friday, August 21, 2009

and every now and then

i just have to remind myself to calm the fuck down and not worry so much.

side note: if inglorious bastards is going to fill their entire preview with nazi killing, i expect more than two major scenes to be filled with freaking nazi killing! other than that, i really just want to hear brad pitt talk like an italian again, and have a gun that shoots when i punch bitches in the face.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

burn, burn, burn

how about instead of getting our revenge on the government
by showing our angst in frustrated song lyrics and
cutting our wrists
we show them just how much we couldn't
give a fuck
by being happy without their consent
without their Transactions and Tabloids and White Noise
and we'll be happy our own way.
and when the day is ending
and we got our retaliation,
through our content and mischievous bliss,
without burning any buildings down
or yelling at the tops of our lungs
we'll have won
we have won we have won. We Have Won.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Honest Scrap

Janet tagged me for the Honest Scrap Award! Wooo! This will work quite perfectly with item number one!

The Honest Scrap Award rules are as follows:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!
2. The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.
3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.
4. Those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.
5. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

Let's begin!

1.) I sort of have an obsession with lists. To Do lists are the ones most commonly seen scattered around my room, under my bed, in laundry baskets, wherever one might find spare pieces of paper. However, my delight in making lists goes much further than to-dos! If you look in any of my journals or scrapbooks there are much more obscure lists such as: "reasons why I suspect Snape might be bad" (and another listing why he might be good) or "people I know who would make intriguing book characters" and it goes on and on and on.

2.) There are not many things I consider myself gifted in, but predicting movies and movie endings is definitely one of them. There are very few movies that I have been surprised by the endings. This is also a bit of a curse, especially for Chris, because he says I ruin movies for him because I'm usually right with my predictions.

3.) When the weather quickly goes from hot to cold or cold to hot (i.e. jumping into a pool, or getting out of an air conditioned car into the heat) I have a gag reflex. Every time. It's quite unfortunate because I absolutely hate throwing up, but alas, it happens without fail. This is especially frustrating when walking to the freezer at work thirty times a night.

4.) I don't have many fears, but my most frequent and vivid fear is being pulled over by a cop and not having anywhere to stop my car. I'm constantly scanning both sides of my vehicle while I'm driving, wondering, "if I got pulled over right now, where would I stop my car?" I have yet to be pulled over for any reason, but I just know that when I do I will have a hell of a time parking my car anywhere.

5.) The smell of chocolate is revolting. It honestly disgusts me. Yet, I still find chocolate to be delicious.

6.) I judge people by the way they drive. Do you let people over? Do you use your blinker? When two lanes are merging, do you race forward to make sure you get in front of as many cars as possible? Do you honk your horn frequently? I've found the way people drive and the way they are, are almost always quite similar. The way someone drives is just a bit easier to witness when first meeting them.

7.) It's increasingly difficult for me to fully relate with people who have never experienced any financial difficulties in their lives. It's astounding to me that some peers my age have never had to worry about money in any way. It sometimes leads to me feeling uncomfortable when subjects of money or finances come up, because, to be quite blunt, they often don't know a fucking thing about money and the real world (which only cares about money).

8.) While homeschooling pre-8th grade may have given me a few extra struggles entering a public high school, I'm extremely grateful for those years now. I don't think my personality would be anywhere near as peculiar and strange if I didn't have time to develop it in the privacy of my own home. Note: I don't think there's anything wrong with the peculiarity or strangeness!

9.) I'm constantly daydreaming and wondering about "what ifs?" From little things such as "I wonder what my day would have been like if I hadn't been late to my morning class" or big things to "what if I lost a limb in a freak bicycling accident as a child?"

10.) Blogging is extremely calming for me, as lame as it sounds. I've had two blurty's, three LiveJournal's, a blog on Myspace, and now this. I can't imagine not having some type of blog at any age.

I tag:


Wednesday, August 12, 2009


i have felt extremely loved in these last two days.
i hope you've felt the same.