Friday, July 31, 2009

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

this road trip! obviously.

the unspoken etiquette on the freeways where everyone on it is driving long distances.
[ i'll probably expand on this later. ]

hiking into the grand canyon.

nude beaches! oh my. all of my close friends know i have a thing for nudity. it's always seemed so natural and free to me, but this was definitely my best nude-involved activity! completely amazing. although chris and i were definitely the youngest ones there.

hearing everyone's awesome accents. it's an international hostel we're staying at in miami and we're just about the only ones with American accents in the entire place.

80 degree miami oceans - clear water and white sand, included.

books on cd! i'm officially in love and it makes the long drives so much better.

being 19! i guess. or at least the half of a day i've been 19 so far?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

yucky, yucky, negative post.

what is it about birthdays and my life? i think it all boils down to the fact that birthdays remind me that life is often more picturesque in my mind than in reality. while it is obviously not my birthday yet, all of my friends are well aware of the fact that i'm leaving in approximately forty hours and i probably won't see any of them again before i leave. and it turns out that besides chris, and michelle's lovely card & mix cd (which i appreciate immensely), i'm looking at another birthday with practically nothing done by others to make sure it turned out well, except for a large handful of people canceling and bailing on the only birthday plans i did make.

perhaps it is because i've historically had terrible birthdays, but i really try to make sure that other people enjoy theirs. i bought nine people birthday presents this year, attended birthday festivities of approximately fifteen peoples birthdays, and went down right out of my way for about five people's birthdays via planning and making calls and etc., etc. in fact, the only person who i don't feel that i did their birthday justice was michelle's, and i distinctly remember feeling horribly guilty about it weeks afterward. and while i do not for a second believe that friendships should be on a strict you give, then i give, you give, then i give pattern, this does seem a bit fucked up that this happens every year. i mean, all of those weeks when we had the empty house did you guys ever sit back and realize how much time i put into planning out our practically daily activites? did you ever wonder how that extra $50 got pitched in when we didn't have enough money for some party? did anyone ever say thank you? and while i hate to bring it up, the subject really has been pissing me the fuck off: money. lets all be honest with ourselves here, basically all of you have zero bills to pay. a good portion of you have never had a job, and most of you have parents who pay for your car, your gas, your cell phone, your food, your clothes, your this, your that, etc., etc. and while that is awesome that you have that luxury, i don't. so these last three years when i've been everyone's carpool and everyone's ride, that is my gas money you're using with no offers to pitch in for gas. that is me working at shitty minimum wage job. so when i buy you guys a nice birthday present, or offer to pay for your lunch, that isn't me offering to spend a portion of the money my parents gave me on you, that is me using the money i earned on you. yet, especially when we had that empty house, that was blatantly taken advantage of by both close friends and random folks who showed up looking for a party.

of course, it's not only birthdays or money. it's really the accumulation of these sorts of feelings throughout the summer. it does pain me that as soon as i stopped the planning, many people continued to hang out, but yet again, besides the invites from michelle and occasionally from jordan, i rarely get invited anywhere. which really doesn't make sense. the reason it doesn't make sense to me is because many of you call me one of your best friends, yet there's a few of you who have literally never invited me to hang out with you, you have only hung out with me when i've done the inviting. if you REALLY think about it, i bet you've invited me less times than you think. i have a tough skin, and i think i've handled the events of this summer quite well, but it's just this build up that continues to pile on. the other half of that is this trend of the new friends i've been making. all of them say quite frequently how they "really want to hang out" or they "can't wait to hang out" with me, yet every time we do make plans, they bail; every time i invite them, they're mysteriously busy; every time i put forth the effort, they throw it back. something always seems to come up.

the ones who are reading this know that sometimes i'm a little too honest and forward, but that i'm really okay with that and am not upset when other people are the same way. that's why i want everyone to either be honest and not say all of this bullshit about wanting to spend time with me unless you really and completely want to. or if you do want to spend time with me then put in the fucking effort and don't except me to sit around and plan and ask and call, waiting for you to spare a few minutes in your glorious lifeto spend them with me.

and maybe you guys don't realize how little you guys call or invite me, but i was thinking about who, individually, has actually tried to plan something with me, and i even shocked myself at how low it was. for example, i have to wonder, if i had not asked michelle and kate to hang out and get coffee earlier today, would i have been invited to dinner with all of you guys? would you have called me to see if i had wanted to come? while i'm sure your answer will be "yes," if the history of these last few weeks have taught me anything, it's been that the answer is no.

the bottom line is that you spend time with who you want to spend time with. and while it's hard to accept, i'm just going to have to learn that for many of you, that person just isn't me. if it was, this summer would have panned out quite differently.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

cuddle time with Ninja as soon as i wake up

night drawing and taking pictures in fields at ungodly hours

being owned by elderly ladies in all of the classes at the gym

fitting into clothes i used to wear last year

ridiculous vampire movies that are so cheesy, they're actually rather entertaining

this amazing road trip that i'm going on in only NINE days!

feeling extremely content with everything in my life right now.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

happy fourth of july.

Everyone is reasonable.

They just have their own reasons.

And usually it's worth trying to learn what they are to maximize chances of a full-blown, 60's style, psychedelic lovefest. Which is always a good thing.