Monday, March 30, 2009

wisdom, waddup.

The Chinese say, "The best time to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. The second best time is always today."

Funny how planting trees and taking action on the life of your dreams are the same that way.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

an update of sorts.

kate's birthday party at my house last night.

i want to see i love you, man.

my friends are so awesome.
i feel like when people from high school or whatever think back on us, we won't be remembered as awesome as we are. kate's comment two days ago sums it up:
kate: "i mean, i knew you guys were like cool and stuff, but i didn't know you'd be this funny."

that's it.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

jordan and andrew being in town all week

missing class for the first time this semester


finishing a roll of film

sunshine and laying out on the hammock

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

this may not be an upbeat post, dearies.

i think i've been spreading myself too thin. this came to my realization when ninja (the cat) would not even look at me, because she was so furious i haven't been home to see her at all this past week. school has just been such a time consumer. it's frustrating because while all of the classes are easy for me, it's still freaking 20 units, almost double a full load, and i do every single piece of homework assigned in hopes in i will be able to leave sdcc as soon as humanly possible. that along with work alone would be plenty for me, but adding on top of that trying to be a good friend and a good daughter and trying to keep the whole financial problems under control really have been pushing it over the edge for me.

plus, i've had a huge annoyance in my life lately. i'm aware that this may not present itself very well to readers and friends, but i'll take the chance that you all will realize i am not trying to sound holier than thou or anything. so, i feel as if i can say that i am a very generous person in most aspects of life; and i think that most of my friends would agree with this. it seems as if we're hanging out in a large group if one person doesn't have money, or if we put our money together and we're a few dollars short, i end up picking up the slack. and the same goes for giving rides or favors or anything. in addition, i really love doing nice things for people when they're feeling down, but this often means spending money for picking up a Starbucks to bring to someone, or get them a gift or things of that nature. like i said, i love doing it, because i love my friends dearly and i always think to myself: "well, this is the least i can do!" and the money that i spend on people isn't money from my parents that i just got, i freaking worked for all the money i spend on others as well as myself. but recently, my family has come into really, really bad financial problems. my dad can't find any work and the bank is trying to repossess the house instead of putting it up for a short sale. what this means in the real world is that instead of getting what they can from the sale, they come after you for every last penny they lost. we'll be filing for bankruptcy and a much larger part of my paychecks will be going to bills and such. so, i'm going to have to take out a loan so i can pay my car off that way it'll be under my name and not my parents so they can't take the car. this is resulting in extreme amounts of stress and worrying.

i guess the part that has really been frustrating me is that all of those years of being a generous person hasn't gotten me anywhere. in my unrealistic mind i feel like the universe would somehow pay me pack. and considering that a lot of my friends at least partially know some of what's going on, that a lot of it would come from them. i keep waiting in my hopefulness for HELP of some kind, you know? and most of my friends still get money from their parents for entertainment purposes and what not, so it's not a matter of having to pick up an extra shift at work or anything. i guess i just want one of those phone calls - the ones i feel like i make all the time - "hey, i know you've been having a rough time, let's go do this or that and don't worry about the money." or even better, not even saying WHY they're helping, but just doing something to cheer up a friend. but instead whenever someone finds themselves with a glob of money those kinds of thoughts never enter their minds, i suppose. i think the lesson i've learned is that i really just shouldn't spend money unless it's going for a direct purpose to myself. otherwise, you just get disappointed.

i hate to sound childish but i just want to yell to the universe: it's not fair!

where's karma when you need it?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

feeling a rush of energy when you haven't had a good night's sleep in days

jenai mentioning in english class that she tears up at every biggest loser episode and consequently making me not feel so lame

ozzy and despite his being a dog, snoring loud enough to wake me up at night

reading a secular nonbeliever write about Christianity and feeling more inspired than any religious person has made me feel in months

the deep, deep love i feel for my friends and realizing that i really would do anything for them

and my dad...because even though my mom compares me to him as if it's an insult, and even though his beliefs are far distant from mine, i couldn't be happier if i'm half the person he is when i grow up

oh, pablo.

i saw pablo again today.

he changed his sign.
it now reads:

Monday, March 16, 2009


life's "almosts" make the "just barely's" extra special. and that maybe, if for that reason alone, the almosts are alright with me.

Friday, March 13, 2009

la la la love

One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: "When you're in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe." (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, "Nothing means as much without that person."
One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing "so you're saying you can't enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you're really in love with them?"
"Of course not." the professor replied. "Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don't witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It's not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more."

-from Nightmare Brunette's blog

Thursday, March 12, 2009

just wondering...

...when was the last time you looked into your mirror in the mornings and thought how absolutely mouth hanging open, drop-dead, hot damn, can't believe it, no question about it stunning?

i sincerely believe you should do it more often.

it matters.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

pablo's shoe repair

every afternoon when i feel the urge
to get my fast food fix down college avenue
i see a short latino man holding a hand made sign.
it reads "Pablo's Shoe Repair"
with bright neon paper cutouts behind each letter
to signify that this a place you need to visit.

my gut tells me that this man is pablo - as in the infamous pablo
from pablo's shoe repair. perhaps
it's because he is always dressed quite nicely;
a sweater and dress shoes are always poking over
the sides of his neon sign.

i can't help but sympathize with poor pablo.
my assumptions quickly turn to the economy
(i never saw him holding the sign himself before the recession.)
but he always has a smile and he always has his sign,
though i always feel the need to decorate it
with a little more jazz, a little more pazazz.

i like pablo. i look forward
to seeing him on the corner
amongst the young sdsu students who pass him by
without a second thought about repairing their shoe ware.
there's a secret hope that i'll break a shoe
just enough to head over to pablo's.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Dearest Life,

if dreams mean anything at all then i'm completely screwed.

also: i finally finished On The Road and while it wasn't my favorite to say the least, i do want to take a road trip even more now that i've read it. i picked up a book about where the Middle East is headed in the next century and i think i'll read that next along with Night. i like reading. reading is nice.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


i don't know if it was those three of four days earlier last week of heat and sunshine or the good times that fill each and every weekend lately, but i simply cannot wait until summer.

i hope that there's a good mixture of days packed with adventures and days packed with laying out and doing a whole lot of nothing.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Things I Love Thursday

ninja cuddling up next to me when my alarm goes off because she knows that it means i'm awake

when tv dinners are surprisingly delicious

class - especially particularly boring ones - getting out early

michelle being photogenic in every mothaf'n picture i've seen her, especially because she's a wonderful model for photo adventures

chris' cheesy jokes that you can see from a mile away

stalking outside of Fernando's pizza

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


life has been treating me too well, lately.
i am overflowing with gratitude.

i have a poem in mind.
i really need to stop being lazy and write something.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

A list of sorts.

+the weekend was filled to the brim of awesome
-waking up at five tomorrow
+taking pictures with michelle and liz and kate
-i've spent so much f'cking money lately
-i miss the stolen wii and tv at the s.v. house :(
--if we do my room is going to be absurdly small